We especially welcome junk mail, but we do not welcome hate speech. U.S. Attorney Buchanan and Assistant U.S. Attorney Radics argued, in their motion for my detention, that the hate speech campaign targeting me, which included Klan mail, was essentially junk mail. As a ruddy faced southern white man, presumably one of Trump’s “very fine people,” Radics argued that I am unreasonably incensed by Klan mail and, as an intolerant bastard unwilling to let those harmless little crackers play their harmless little klanny games, I needed to be detained while we saw to the important business of hammering out law and precedent.

I would like to demonstrate that I can tolerate a wide range of non hate speech mail and invite it all at the above address. I am confident in the Onslow County Sheriff’s exceptional skill at navigating the constitutional entanglements of inmate rights and the United States Postal System.